Part of this is the pressure- there are lots of things that Mom did that I feel the need to make sure get done. Some of these things I had started to help her with as she got sicker and sicker. But I also worry about all the things she did that I may not remember, or may get wrong. I know it's ridiculous to try and fill her shoes, that I need to discover what Christmas means to me, what my traditions are. But I am my mother's child, and my traditions are mostly hers.
I haven't been overwhelmingly sad this season, I think because Mom saw so much magic in the season, so that is what I remember most. I seem to carry the magic of her with the season.
These are Mom's traditions I carried on this season:
- Used a dorky Christmas picture for the Christmas card. Although we did just put Nehi on it. We usually took pictures of all of us, and this year without Mom, it just didn't feel right.
- Addressed my cards while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, put them in the mail the next day.
- Went Christmas tree shopping the day after Thanksgiving and put it up and decorated it.
- Put the Charlie Brown Christmas lights up outside (although this year we went with LEDs to save the power bill!)
- Bought matching Christmas pajamas for me and my sister. While this may be a dorky thing to do, and my fashion conscious sister may cringe at my choices, we've always done it!
- Bought the ingredients for bourbon balls.
- Have already watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Scrooged and White Christmas.
- Every year when I was little, we had an embroidered tablecloth with fairy tale and stories on it. There were figurines that went on the table as a centerpiece. Nehi and the kitties like to eat things, so we didn't put the tablecloth out or put the figurines on the table, but I did put them out in the glass display case.
- When I was little, we had an embroidered set of three angels that we hung up. While I was decorating the tree I found the three angels, although they were no longer secured on their hanger. I restrung them, and they now proudly hang in the living room.