It's hard to believe that my six and a half week adventure at Bread Loaf will be over in a week. The summer has not been what I thought it would be. It's the first time I've lived off campus, and that was complicated by the fact that my roommate had to leave after a week because of medical reasons. So Nehi lost her playmate and I lost my friend (only for the summer, she's alive and recovering back home).
So I've had the house to myself. Nehi and I just rattling around. Nehi has enjoyed the off leash area, chasing skinks in the yard and trying to destroy landscaping when I'm not looking. She has not enjoyed the last week of 100+ degree days with no AC (neither have I). And she has not loved the long days when she's left alone because I have class and lab hours, but we've dealt. It's been hotter than any other summer I've been out here. The computer's hot, I just sit here and sweat. Nehi collapses on the tile all day. I keep all the windows and doors open to try and catch a breeze, but that also means that all the bugs come in, and frankly- I'm ready to go home to AC.
BL has been weird. Part of it is that I'm off campus, so I don't get a lot of interaction. But I think a lot of it is that I'm over the drama of BL summers. And this summer, the students seem to all be 22 year olds. Not exactly people I feel an urgent need to hang out with. So I've just had a quiet summer. The classes have been good- especially my film class.
It hit me this weekend that I was graduating, and I had a hard time wrapping my head around what life is like without BL. 5 years, 4 summers. A bunch of pain in my tail. A lot of cool classes and professors. But a whole segment of life is over.
So what comes next?
Well, I had hoped to go home to new and exciting things, but I've reached the glass ceiling at my current job- I'm just not going to go anywhere there.
But, I've come to a decision. I think I need something new. And, I need to stop having my whole life revolve around Mom and Dad. As much as I love them, I don't want to still be jogging in place in five years. I'm 34 and I think it's time I start making plans for separating my life from theirs.
I really want to teach at a community college and make that transition, so this will give me time to plan. I also need to prep downstairs for being self sustainable- I figure either Mom and Dad could move downstairs (one level) and I could rent the upstairs, or if they want to stay upstairs, I can rent the downstairs.
Mom has always asked me where I want to live and the only answer I've ever had is no where I've ever been. I'm thinking something drastic- This is what I know. I want to live somewhere:
-near an ocean (although I've realized I'm over my years of tanning on the beach, I just like to walk along it and I still love the smell)
-forests, trees, hiking trails
-small town but within an hour of stores and movie theatres.
-lower cost of living. Low enough for me to rent a house, and not an apartment and put some savings aside
-I like the idea of living near a reservation
-seasons, but not wicked cold winters or sweltering summers
So, we'll see. I'm not making any immediate plans. The downstairs will take a while to get in shape (althought he current remodel is a blessing in disguise!). I need time to save money. Once all that's done, I'll feel comfortable enough to start applying for jobs. I'd hate to get a job but not have all my ducks in a row and be able to take advantage of it.
I don't know how well this is going to go over. Perhaps like a lead balloon, maybe well. I just know that I can't let guilt make me put my life on hold. I've done all I can.
I just think I need to live my own life, in a place where I have a chance to go somewhere.